Timeweavers: Secrets of the Kalaghata – synopsis in 25 words or less

In one of Rick Walton’s classes, an author said she got her agent with help from www.querytracker.com. I’ve spent a short amount of time checking out that website, but Jane and I haven’t submitted any queries yet. However, yesterday I found out that QT is having a one day (24 hour) contest http://querytracker.blogspot.com/p/latest-contest.html with Chris Richman, an agent from Upstart Crow Literary Agency. The contest is to submit a pitch for a MG or YA novel in one sentence, 25 words or less. 

I’d heard of the the agency http://www.upstartcrowliterary.com/about.html because two years ago, I met Ted Malawer at an SCBWI event here in Utah. At the time I was writing PBs and Ted worked for a different agency. However, I later heard Ted had moved to Upstart Crow.  So I checked them out, including reading Chris Richman’s bio. I liked the fact that he enjoys “fantasy that doesn’t take itself too serious” and I had filed his name away as an agent to consider. 

So when Jane and I found out about the contest, we decided to enter. But of course, we had to come up with our one 25-word-sentence synopsis. To show you how our writing process works. I’ll post my first attempt, then Jane’s first attempt, then a few compromises, and then the final sentence we submitted. If anyone is reading this blog, please tell us if you think we picked the best sentence, and/or if you think our book sounds interesting.

Deb’s first attempt: In a world where skin color is determined by time of birth, 15-year-old sisters fight against conspiring men to keep time from unraveling.

Jane’s first attempt: On Amser, two 15-year-old sisters battle ruthless men who wish to control time and the fates of all those who live there.

First Compromise: On Amser, where skin tone is determined by time of birth, two 15-year-old sisters battle ruthless men to protect the secrets of time.

Variation 1: Fifteen-year-old sisters fight the timeslayers to keep time from unraveling on Amser, where skin tone is determined by time of birth.

Variation 2: Two 15-year-old sisters battle ruthless men to protect the secrets of time on Amser, where skin tone is determined by time of birth.

Variation 3: Fifteen-year-old sisters battle conspiring men to protect the secrets of time on Amser, where skin tone is determined by one’s hour of birth.

FINAL CHOICE: On Amser, where skin tone is determined by one’s hour of birth, two 15-year-old sisters battle conspiring men to protect the secrets of time.

Wish us luck!

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3 Responses to Timeweavers: Secrets of the Kalaghata – synopsis in 25 words or less

  1. Hi, Deb and Jane
    I agree that your final sentence is the best, but think you could be a little stronger if you used the word twin. Like this?
    two 15-year-old sisters battle conspiring men becomes
    . . .15-year-old twin sisters battle ruthless men . . .
    Ruthless seems a little more despicable than conspiring, so I went for that. Just a thought
    Annette

  2. Jan Kotter says:

    I like the term “timeslayer”. “Skin tone” channels the 60’s for me and I think of the movie Hairspray.

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